Gullible

The other day, Ash and I were shopping. We needed three or four items. One of them was Kleenex. You know, tissue paper. The stuff you blow your nose on.

I told her it was by the toilet paper. She said it wasn't. She said it was by the other bathroom stuff. Shampoo. Toothpaste. Bubble bath. That stuff. I said okay.

We walked over that way.

No toilet paper.

She ducked in an aisle to ask a store employee where the toilet paper was.

She came out of the aisle, shaking her head.

I asked her what was up. She said they no longer carried Kleenex.

What? Wally-World doesn't carry Kleenex?

"Nope. Not anymore." she said.

How stupid is that?? I mean, seriously!

She agreed with me.

I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm updating my Facebook status. This is ridiculous."

"I was just kidding. It's over by the toilet paper. I don't want you to seem like an ass by updating that Wally-World no longer carries Kleenex." she said.

Yes, I am gullible. I admit it.

It's a good thing she isn't a liar...I believe her hook, line and sinker.

Love is grand, but sometimes it's apparently stupid at times!

How could I not love her?



"Two universes collided. Don't think of yourselves as a lesbian couple, think of yourselves as two women who happen to love each other and have a family."
-Diane Marini

Who? Me? Crazy? Yep!

We're into the second week of December already! I have less than two weeks to get two major events in order.

Two? Did she just say two?

Yes, yes I did. In addition to the huge fundraiser I am holding for Reece's Rainbow and Melissa, The T21 Traveling Afghan Angel another little project fell into my lap.

There is a local community cafe called Harmony Cafe in my area. This place seriously rocks. Every year, for the past three years, they've held a Christmas Drag show with their LGBT teen group.

I was slightly involved with the first event. I had just begun to date the ex and she was involved as a performer, so I became involved with it as well.

The second year, the ex performed again and I pretty much handled everything behind the scenes. I was the "go to it" beeyatch for the pro's and helped out the teens with whatever they needed. I also got to dress up like a punk rocker and pretend to actually play the drums. I was quite convincing, so I hear!

Sadly, one of our performers passed away in a traffic accident shortly before the night of the show that year. I organized and gave the memorial presentation.

This year, I was planning on attending, even though I wasn't going to be involved in the event.

Now, Ash and I are organizing the event. We are figuring out who is performing, how many numbers we need, what songs everyone is doing, working on the lineup....and the list goes on and on.

Did I mention the drag show is three days after my fundraiser? No? Well, it is.

Not only that, but we have a Christmas party that day as well.

It's a damn good thing I work well under pressure.

Oh, did I mention Ash is performing, in drag, at the show? No?

I cannot WAIT to see what she puts together! Here's the blog debut of Ash in drag.

Introducing, Guy DeSkies! (Get it? Guy Disguise? Ha ha. Funny, no?!)





Slappin' da base! (Name that movie!!)

I love this woman. Just in case you were wondering! I love this time of the year. I love these events. I love my life. It's a great feeling.

"Learn to love yourself, 'cause if you can't love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else?"
-RuPaul

Digging on the Duggars

I have to admit, I don't like Michelle Duggar. I've never met the woman. I semi-admire her for all she does, but I don't like her. I don't know why.

Her voice irritates me. A lot.

I seriously just want to see the woman flip her ever-loving lid just ONE time. No woman can ever be that calm, cool and collected all the time. Seriously, that's not reality.

I like the kids. I think that's why I actually watch the show. Gawd, I just admitted that, didn't I? Yes, I do. I watch the Duggar family. It's like a train wreck, you just can't look away.



I mean, their family is like a corporation. They make money off their show because they have so many kids. Did anyone stop to ask these kids if they want their entire lives filmed?

Then again, if the oldest son is any example, they will all grow up to have a million kids of their own (and a television series, book and website.) He apparently had no problem with growing up on television. He is now married and has his first (of his hopefully many) children)...and they too have a website!

I don't get it. I mean, why do I LIKE this shit? Why do I have to watch when it's on? The show irritates me. Michelle irritates me. And what's with all the matching clothes? Seriously. They match more often than not.

And what's with the skirts?? In one episode the girls went horse back riding is skirts. Seriously? They can't even put on pants to go horse back riding? That's child abuse, right there. For real.

Why do I do this to myself?

Hodge Podge

Journey Of The Rainbow starts right after the first of the year. (Ash needs to actually make the afghan first!) One afghan will travel from one LGBT family to another and the journey will be chronicled on the Journey Of The Rainbow blog.

This is a completed afghan! There is no need to stitch, knit or crochet onto it. While it won't be sent out until the first of the year, feel free to sign up now!

To do so, copy and complete the following information and email it to journeyoftherainbow@gmail.com.

1.) Your name:

2.) Email address:

3.) Blog or website URL:

4.) Blog or website title:

5.) Your address:

***

Speaking of projects. I almost thought I had lost track of The T21 Traveling Afghan Project afghan. It was momentarily missing in action. I received an email that it was mailed out on November 9th. The receiver never received it. The sender has a busy life at the moment (which is totally understandable) and just got back to me.

I'm just relived it's okay. The afghan is semi-replaceable. I can make another one. The journal, however, isn't. There are notes and letters from many families within its covers.

This is one huge weight off my back!

***

My friend, Gina has a toy giveaway going on over at her blog! Go check it out and take your chance of winning a Sid the Science Kid talking toy!!

***

If you tend to get a bit of a writer's block (as I often do), check out the following website called Write Of Passage. In short:

A group of writers seeking a challenge, getting critique, and finding community. See the "getting started" page and have fun.

They have writing prompts, feedback, community and some of my all-time favorite bloggers. Come check it out!

Meredith Baxter (aka Elyse Keaton) is gay. Score one for the lesbians!

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

December? Already?

I just realized it's no longer NaBloPoMo, so I don't have to blog. Which is good, because I had very little to say, until I had an email conversation with someone. I felt it was blog worthy, so here is the conversation, morphed into a blog post and paraphrased in many places.

Apparently, my post yesterday sparked some emotion.

I will admit, I do tend to do a lot for others. I have always had a hard time telling people "no" when something is asked of me. I have gotten MUCH better with that the last few years. However, I still tend to be accommodating whenever I can be.

Yes, things are financially tight here at Chateau Ferret. I wouldn't say we "struggle" but we work our butts off to make sure our basic needs are met. I pick up extra hours at work and care for additional children whenever the opportunity arises. Ash will soon begin working a second part time job in addition to her full time job and her weekend job. We have five jobs between us. And we're okay with that.

Who isn't aware that the economy sucks right now? How many of us are out of work? How many of us are going under with our house bills, our car payments and oru day care bills? It's the way life is right now.

Six months ago, I started over. I brought VERY little into my ex's house and left with just as little. I had no furniture. I had no kitchen utensils. I had nothing for a home.

Ironically, Ash had the opposite problem. She had just moved out of her ex's and she had a ton of stuff, but no place to put it. She was going to put her things in storage when she realized she had the perfect place to store it...at my place.

Starting over has it's advantages. You get to downsize your life to the bare minimal and start building it back up. You cut away the fringe and leave the basics.

We do not have cable. We do not have internet access. We don't need either one.

I like the way my life is right now. We have a roof over our heads, we have food on our table and our living expenses are paid on time. Do I have debt? Absolutely. I will be paying off attorney's fees until my son is my age, at least.

My household bills (and van loan/payment) is made on time. Every month. Without fail for the past six months. That's something I am very, very proud of. My kids have all of what they need and some of what they want. They're provided for and far from spoiled, at least where my household is concerned.

I have essentially started over in life and there is a certain amount of pride and satisfaction I take from being where I am. I may live hand to mouth, but I am grateful to have a hand to work with and a mouth to eat (and speak) with.

Things are tight, really tight. But it's okay and it won't be this way forever.

Thanks to the kindness of numerous individuals, I have new glasses. My poor eyesight has proven to me, many times over, how generous and kind people can be. Apparently, it made the same impact on many of you. Just go read the comments from the previous post.

The fact is, I can see. That's what matters. My basic needs are met. I'm an easy gal, that's all I ask for. I don't need extras. I don't need fancy. I'm satisfied to have what I do.

Life is good.

I am very grateful to have the friends I do, both online and off. We went from having no Christmas tree to having two before we even started discussing acquiring one! Some of our friends didn't want their old ones and we have a "collective" type friend who purges his bounty off on a group of us every season. This Christmas is no exception. No man, gay or not, needs an entire basement FULL of Christmas stuff. (He has over eighteen Christmas trees, people. EIGHTEEN!)

I really believe that what is meant to come, will come. That's not to say that we sit by and wait for it, we just don't stress about it. We work our butts off, we show kindness and generosity wherever we can and we enjoy our lives.

We're happy. I will take happy, over rich, any day of the week.

I haven't always had this mindset. I haven't always felt the way I do now. And I certainly have never been as happy and content with life as I am at this point in it. Sometimes you have to hit bottom to realize you can rise up and make things DIFFERENT than they were before.

There is a lot of loss in my past. It is what it is. I've come to terms with what happened and have risen above it to where I am now.

There is a lot of gain in my present and future.

I have made my own family. I have friends that I am beyond blessed to have. My time with my son is one hundred percent quality time, we came to an amicable decision regarding MeMa's time with both her parents and Baby J is back in my life.

I am not controlled. I am not manipulated. I make the rules.

This is my life and that's all I've ever wanted.

It just took me losing it all to realize that. I can't control what happened in my life and I certainly can't go back and change it, but I can control how I deal with it NOW and what I make of it today.

I don't mean to shit rainbows and butterflies everywhere, but this is how it is for me. Do I have issues? Yes. Will I always have issues? Yes. I'm still angry. I'm still dealing with unresolved emotions. I'm still "getting over" a lot of things. Resent is a HUGE problem with me and I have to take accountability for that. But I don't let it define my life. I refuse to give anyone (past or present) that much control over my daily life.

I have learned that life is enjoyed a great deal more when you cut away the crap and get right down to what matters the most. That may be different for every person. You just have to find what it is for you.

"At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us."
-Albert Schweitzer

Yes, I Cried IN The Store

I don't do well with glasses. For years, I wore contact lenses and then stopped due to some veins or arteries or capillaries or something forming on my eyes. Apparently, when you wear your lenses too long, these things develop and they aren't good, so I got a pair of glasses to lessen the time I spent wearing contacts.

Then I ran out of contacts and never went back to get more, I just wore my glasses.

I picked up my last pair of glasses the week before I left the south to come to the Midwest, which made them approximately five years old. These are the glasses I wore when I was reunited with Baby J.

Baby J has a slight obsession with "eyes", which is what she calls glasses. Do you see where this is going??

Exhibit A:



Exhibit B:



Being the sneaky little thing she is, she decided she wanted to see MY "eyes", so she helped herself to them!



Now, I should have been thinking, "Get the glasses from the child!" but instead I grabbed my camera, because, seriously, how dang cute is she? Really?

Of course, I thought she was JUST as cute after she broke them as she was before she broke them. I have no idea who took this photo, but that's Baby J, leaning on my knee while I try to figure out how the heck she mangled my frames so badly in such a short time!

I think she's trying to figure out what the big deal is! They're just "eyes" after all!



Thankfully, Baby J's older sister had a pair of frames she no longer used, so we took her frames and Baby J's parents paid to have my eyes checked (which hadn't been done in five years) and had new lenses put in them so I could actually see. (Gratitude doesn't begin to cover it.)

New glasses! Wah lah! (Disregard my goofy face and look at the new glasses.)


I LOVED these frames. I ADORED these frames. These frames were going to grace my face for the NEXT five years.

Or not.

Last night, one of the lenses popped out because a joint near the nose piece had come undone. "No problem!" I thought. They can glue it or screw it or do whatever they do to FIX things like this because they will FIX my glasses. They will FIX them, good as new!

So I go to the store. I wait fifteen minutes for them to open. I promise myself that, no matter what, I will not cry in the store. Even if they can't fix them and I'm proverbially screwed, I will not cry. Even though new glasses are about as "in" my budget as a round trip vacation to Tahiti, I will not cry in the store.

I walk in the store. I am greeted. She looks at the frames in my hand and says, "Oh no. You have pieces. That's not good."

I hand them to her. I beg her to fix them.

She says, no can do. BUT she has some frames that may work with those lenses. She walks off. I bit the inside of my lip and start to tear up. I remind myself that I will NOT cry.

She walks over, hands me a pair and said, "These will work great! They're a hundred and nineteen dollars."

And then I cry. Outright. In the store.

"Thank you, but I can't afford that."

She starts asking questions about the frames and the store that did them (they were done out of town, on my trip, remember?) and she asks me to hold on.

She looks a few more places and brings me back a pair of pink frames. Pink, people. I hate pink. I mean, I really really hate pink.

She asks what I can afford. I tell her I have fifty bucks on me. She motions me over to another counter where she procedes to whip the demo lenses out and put my lenses in their place. She does that bend here, adjust there thing they do and then hands them to me.

"How's that?" she asks.

I put them on. They fit great. Aside from the pink, they look good. I can see. Seeing is a necessity. These fill my necessity.

"Wonderful, but how much?"

She starts entering numbers into her little computer thing and I see her type something about a "customer complaint" and fifty percent off.

"If anyone asks, you yelled at me, so I gave you a discount." She smiled.

"They don't have a code for crying customers?" I ask.

She just smiled. Nicely. Kindly.

I wanted to hug her, but I had snot on my sleeve, so I thanked her profusely and paid her. (It was under forty-five dollars.) She told me it would get better. I told her it already had and wished her a very Merry Christmas.

There are still good people out there in the world, even in corporate America.

Maybe a good bit of karma coming back to me, I don't know. What I do know is I appreciate the fact that I can see. I value her assistance in helping me.

And yeah, they may be pink, but I can deal with pink.



"Forget injuries, never forget kindnesses."
Confucius

Thirty In Thirty

This is it.

My thirtieth post in thirty days.

So there.

You get nothing more than that.

What more do you want from me?!?!

The greatest education in the world is watching the masters at work.
- Michael Jackson

Cancer Sucks

Cancer sucks. They even have a website that prooves it. It's called, Cancer Sucks.

I've lost family members to cancer.

I know people who have lost children to cancer.

I know the statistics.

And yet, I'm a smoker.

Recently, I found out a good friend of mine has cancer. Again. This is round three. Level three. This person is looking at an expectancy of three years.

Cancer sucks.

My blog world has also taken a slap as well. Jude has cancer. But it can't take her humor. It can't take her support. It can't take away her friends. It can't take a lot of things.

Cancer sucks.

This year, I am giving a gift to myself.

This year, I am quitting smoking, for good.

I'm doing it for my son (who begs me to stop and reminds me of the health consequences.)

I'm doing for the Judes of the world.

I'm doing it for the cancer survivors out there.

But mainly, I'm doing it for myself.

I have promised Bubba I will have stopped before he arrives for Christmas. That gives me about five weeks. Three if I can quit before he's here again.

I apologize to everyone, in advance, for my shitty attitude during this time.

It's well worth it.

"It's easy to quit smoking. I've done it hundreds of times.
- Mark Twain

Comments And "Stuff"

We all have our own unique style of reading and commenting on blogs. Me? I log into my Blogger Dashboard, read those who have updated and typically comment on the posts I read. I typically don't read the comments that came before me and I never go back to a post to see the comments after mine. This is unfortunate because many bloggers respond to their commenters in the comment section.

Me? I just write posts now and then and answer the questions that have been asked in the comments, or comment on the comments, or write entire posts sparked by the comments.

This is one of those posts.

Half A Dozen, I will absolutely post the recipe for Scrabble. I just emailed my aunt to get it, it got lost in my move! :(

Mel's Way Or No Way said (in regards to my fundraising effort), " You are doing an amazing thing. Be proud you're doing somthing. As we all know there are a whole lot of people who do nothing. It is stressful, scary and challenging task you've taken on. The way you handle those challenges show your true character. Good luck!"

I never looked at it that way. I do what I can do to help. I try to make a difference, no matter how small it may be. And I recognize that it's small. It's a very big world and I am but a very small drop of water in the well. But you're right. I am doing something. As for my true character, well, she can be a real beeyatch, but I try to keep her under control!

StephLove commented on the whole kid being near me and not being "allowed" to see me debacle and said, "I'm glad you finally got to see him. That had to make it worthwhile. And I hope you can eventually come to some kind of arrangement so you can see him more often. A few hours is not enough!"

I do see my son. I have joint legal custody of him, I just don't have residential custody.

We see eachother every third weekend and then on alternating holidays. For instance, this year I do not have him at Thanksgiving, but have him for two weeks at Christmas. Next year I will get him for Thanksgiving and only have a week with him at Christmas. I get summers, spring breaks, etc. It used to be every OTHER weekend, but he plays football and he misses too many games on that schedule, so I went down to every third weekend and have time made up in other areas.

But no matter what, it's NEVER enough, especially when your child is unhappy about his living situation.

Bibliomama said, "Unbelievable. One of the scariest things about divorce for me is that someone else could end up dictating how much time you get to spend with your child. I can't believe how gracefully you're handling all of this."

It is scary. It works out best for everyone if both parties can come to an agreement, which was the situation in my case. He wanted her for the school year, I preferred weekends, holidays and summers. Done deal. As for handling things gracefully, ha....not so much.

I have thrown fits in court when I was told I couldn't see my son for three months (how DARE I check myself into the hospital to get grief councelling! I could be a threat to myself or my child.....never mind the fact I never had suicidal ideation, much less an attempt!)

I have thrown up in an attorney's office because I was told, very last minute, that a pre-arranged visit with my son was not going to take place because his father "changed his mind". Read: Talked to his attorney. (See above.)

I have hit rock bottom over everything. I have thrown fits. I have cried until I was physically sick. I have spent hours on my knees. I have lost my faith. I have become nearly non-functioning. I have questioned whether my kids were better off without having me as a parent.

I have lashed out at those involved on my blog and in "real life" (and will likely never stop sharing my thoughts/feelings regarding the situation on my blog, although I no longer feel the need to have any closure with Cruella- aka She Who Gave Birth To Me- or my "father".)

I have handled this with anything but grace. But I have handled it. Sometimes, survival is more important than how you survive.

In closing, Jelly asked to see some photos of my hooking! I will spare you pictures of ALL forty-some afghans I have made for kids with Down syndrome (if you're on my Facebook, you can see them all there. But I'll leave you with one!

This is THE original T21 Traveling Afghan Project afghan. Photo taken by The Carpenter Chronicles:



Here are four afghans I made for children with Down syndrome:



MeMa's backpack:



My friend, Amy and her beautiful girls in hat/scarf sets I made them:



Finally, the butterfly blanket that took me ages to make (one of my very first projects) and then my damn beagle chewed it apart. He's lucky he's alive.



On that note, I will exit stage left!

"I know we can do other things with our time, but is so easy to pick up a crochet needle and skeins of yarn to fashion an item that is greatly needed by people right here in our own community. A warm afghan is a wonderful way to wrap a senior citizen in love."
~ Annette Garrick

Blogging Bullshit

Blogging, as I have mentioned before, is an ugly beast. Along with blogging, you have Facebook, Twitter and the like.

It's called social networking, people. It's a network. You connect on it, therefore it's social.

It's not life and death. It's a means of communication. It's a form of community.

While the basis is real life, it only borders real life.

I used to get caught up in the popularity contest. I used to take things on the Internet personally.

I don't do that any more. I don't play the games. I don't hide behind my computer screen.

If I wouldn't do or say something in real life, I wouldn't do or say it on the internet, or on this blog.

That being said, I'm about to be hypocritical.

My feelings were a bit hurt recently. Not in the "woh is me" kind of way, but in the "what the hell is that about" kind of way.

I had been unfriended. I had been unfollowed. I had been unTwittered.

I won't say it didn't bother me at all because I'm blogging about it. But it did cause me to scrunch up my face in that "what the hell" look I get when my kids do or say something completely out of whack.

It wasn't the unfollowing that bothered me, it was the not knowing why. That's what really chapped my hiney. I like to be informed. I hate when people become passive aggressive and can't (wo)man up.

I wondered if I did or said something offensive. I wondered if I stepped on someone's toes.

I didn't understand and that really bothered me.

Now I know what lead to it and it's all good. It is what it is. Not knowing the reason behind the unfollowing bothered me more than the unfollowing itself. Blame it on the abandonment fear that tends to resurface now and then.

But now I know. It is what it is.

It's a very big blog world and I'm proud to be part of it.

Friendship makes prosperity more brilliant,and lightens adversity by dividing and sharing it.
-Cicero

Happy Thanksgiving!

It's Thanksgiving. Unlike a lot of people, I don't start looking back and reminiscing until Christmas and New Years. And to be honest with you, I would have to look back and see what was going on last Thanksgiving.

It wasn't the happiest time in my life. The first holidays are always the hardest and that was the first Thanksgiving after losing Baby J. Better to move forward, I always say!

Therefore, the obligatory "Things I am Thankful For From This Past Year" post (minus the obvious kids, Ash, my job, etc.)

1.) Being reunited with Baby J. Loving her new family. Seeing her happy. Holding her in my arms again. Seeing that smile. Knowing she hasn't forgotten. Being given the gift of being able to be a part of her life again. Seeing my children reunited...as friends.

2.) Being in love.

3.) All the families and individuals I have been touched by in the Down syndrome community. (Get your minds out of the gutter!)

4.) My positive attitude. My easy, laid back way of living. Not letting the little things get to me. Making the most of each day, no matter how little I have to work with.

5.) My blog community. My Facebook friends.

6.) My new vehicle, even if I do have a personal loan to pay back and a bi-monthly car payment again!

7.) Learning to stand on my own, make my own rules and establish boundaries.

8.) Happiness. Pure and simple. The tender moments with my kids. The silent moments with Ash.

9.) Life

Thanksgiving, after all, is a word of action.
-W.J. Cameron

Idea? Maybe?

So, if you read this blog for more than two point three seconds, you know about The T21 Traveling Afghan Project.

I have another idea, quite similar, rolling around in my head.

How about an LGBT traveling afghan?

Same basic format.

One afghan. Person to person. Pictures posted on blogs. Etc.

Anyone interested?

I would be happy to whip one up, after the first of the year.

Here are some questions (leave your answers in the comment section):

Would you be willing to participate by spreading the word and signing up? Do you think OTHERS would be interested?

What color should it be? Should I go with the obligatory rainbow?

What should we call the project?

Ready......go!

Traditions: Revised

When you have kids, you have traditions. Hell, even if you are a solo human being, you have traditions.

Traditions are important to me. I want my kids to have something to hold onto and pass down to their children when they are older and wiser. I want events and memories to look back on and smile at.

This year, I have neither of my kids for Turkey Day. (I have them both for Christmas and that will reverse next year.) Ash will be working at the theater during the day, so I will be joyfully hopping from one movie to another, hooking my way through one flick after the next. This makes me giddy with glee. I love going to the movies.

Then I will go help her mom get dinner ready and we'll have our turkey dinner when everyone arrives.

I have a few traditions with the kids for Christmas. One of my favorites is the gingerbread house decorating. Love it. I never got to do it last year and I missed it a great deal. I already have ours on hand, I can't wait.

And we decorate the tree, with hot chocolate and pizza in hand. Yes, pizza. Traditional, heh?

This year, the kids will get their stockings on St. Nick's Day and they will be allowed to open ONE gift, of my choosing, before going to bed Christmas Eve. Oh, and don't forget the calendars with little doors hiding chocolate!!! LOVE those things.

And don't forget the Scrabble! Not the game, silly. Homemade party mix. OMG, that stuff is addictive!

Ash and I have our own nightly tradition as well. And I love it. I think I may start it with the kids as well.

Each night, before we nod off, we share our high/low of the day and give one reason why we love the other. We alternate who goes first each night. I love it.

It gives us the chance to share parts of our days and remind one another what we have in each other.

I love traditions.

Daily. Seasonal. Family life.

What are some of your favorite traditions?

Oh, and by the way. I have an interview with a reporter at the local newspaper regarding the upcoming fundraiser and The T21 Traveling Afghan Project after the first of December. Yay!!

"Tradition is a guide and not a jailer.
- William Somerset Maugham

Admittance

Ok. Here's the thing. Growing up in my family, you were expected to be happy. If you weren't happy, then just ACT happy and pretend. If I was ever in a bad mood or unhappy about anything, I was just PMS'ing or I needed to "get over it."

I couldn't even tell you how many times in my life I was told to "get over it." Emotions weren't recognized. They weren't validated. They were pushed aside and left to rot.

But eventually I did get over it. I got over not having supportive parents. I got over feeling like a failure if I didn't do what was wanted of me when it was wanted of me. I got over feeling like a failure. I got over feeling like I had lost more than I would ever have.

Because that wasn't the way I was going to let it go.

I learned to seek out positive support systems and surround myself with people who were there for me, regardless of if they disagreed with me or not. I learned to accept my own emotions in terms of what they were and the decisions I needed to analyze in order to deal with them.

I became a happier person. I built a present and future that I am proud of. One that I am safe and secure in. One that I enjoy living because I can be sad, when I'm sad. I can be happy when I'm happy. I'm not expected to be any certain way for anyone. I can just be me.

As it turns out, I have learned happy people are more productive. Unfortunately, I am one of those happy productive people who has a hard time telling anyone no, especially when a situation truly touches who I am and what is important to me.

Therefore, I have a stressful next few weeks coming up. Thankfully, I thrive on lists and having something to do and tend to work better under pressure!

When I was presented with the opportunity to raise money for Melissa, Ash and I jumped at it and decided to make it the best fund raiser we could.

At first, things seemed to fall into place.

We have a venue. We have food. We are near to having musical entertainment (I hope). We have donated printing for fliers and posters. We have media interest beginning to brew.

But there is a long list of things we don't have and that scares me. We don't have many donated items for the silent auction. We don't have any sponsorships from local businesses.

Ok, so that's not a LONG list, but that's a big huge chunk of what we need for the fundraiser.

Silent auction donations.

Sponsors.

Media interest.

I'm getting nervous. We have three weeks. That's it, folks. This thing is going off (ready or not) in three weeks.

And we can't fail. That isn't an option for us. So we will continue making phone calls. We will continue sending out emails. We will continue networking in whatever way I can. We will even hit the streets, go door to door, business to business and get whatever it is we can get from whoever we can get it from.

We will make this work...because we can.

One way or another, we will make this work.

Right?

"The man who can drive himself further once the effort gets painful is the man who will win."
Roger Bannister

Oh, and Caroline, I simply Google the type of quote I want with the word quote. I found this one through googling "determination, quotes". I love quotes.

Mobile Pictures

I finally have a camera phone again. I love my camera phone. It enables me to capture such moments as these!

On "the L" in Chicago:




Feet on "the L":



MeMa and Lupe (one of her all-time favorite people!):



Ash signing:



Ash and I being goofy:



Boo and Jack (they NEVER cuddle like this!) Busted:



Photos are great!! Most of the time....

A woman broke up with me and sent me pictures of her and her new boyfriend in bed together. Solution? I sent them to her dad
- Christopher Case