Dagmar does it. She even handles it with graceful education when she’s attacked for doing it! This woman just forgot to stop doing it. And yes, we’re still doing it too.
Bug is fourteen months old and this child is showing NO signs of being anywhere near wanting to wean. Ash only wanted me to breastfeed for six months. I talked her into a year. Now we’re heading towards an agreed eighteen months with a goal of two years hidden deep in my mommy-heart.
In all reality, I don’t really care how long we do it. I’m not out for some kind of medal or notoriety for breastfeeding the longest. I just want to do it for as long as Bug NEEDS me to do it. When she’s ready to be done, I’ll be done. I’ll cry and mourn the loss of that stage of her life, but I’ll (sort of) happily cease breastfeeding as soon as she’s ready, willing and able.
Breastfeeding a toddler isn’t easy! I would even say, at this stage, it’s harder than the very beginning. She’s so active. She moves around a LOT! Apparently, she thinks my nipple can swivel and she wants to see how far she can go before I unlatch her, give her a stern talking to and settle her down. She is a proficient breast feeding gymnast/dancer.
She refuses to be covered. I do my best in public, but she will pull off anything I put over her head and when I try to use my shirt to cover up the majority of my breast, she will SHOVE it away from her face. She’s much less modest than her mom!
She is learning to push her boundaries and breastfeeding is no exception. We’re operating on a “don’t ask, don’t deny” theory. I don’t offer her the breast. I wait for her to ask for it. When she does ask for it, I don’t deny her. Granted, if I’m talking to someone or in the middle of something, I will offer her the cup, but then immediately latch her on if/when she is unsatisfied with the cup or refuses it altogether.
She knows the appropriate way to ask (she will vocalize “more” while signing “please”. I’ve been trying to get her to use the sign for “milk” but she’s stubborn) and she knows she will be denied if she’s inappropriate.
If she is inappropriate in her request, she will be encouraged to ask correctly before I allow her to latch on.
She is not allowed to grab the neck of my shirt and pull it down, demanding “MORE!”
She isn’t allowed to stick her hand down my shirt and grab my breast.
When she’s done nursing, she’s done. She’s not allowed to play with my nipple or play the “latch on, latch off” game. She is learning she needs to respect me and be appropriate as far as nursing is concerned.
But she’s nowhere near being ready to wean. She nurses for a long session in the morning, mid-day and before bed. We have been moving away from shorter sessions during the day, mostly because she is so active she doesn’t stop to ask for it. She does seek it out when she’s tired, hungry or bored. Therefore, I try to prevent her form becoming hungry or bored.
She still wakes up twice a night, on average, to breastfeed for about three minutes. She never even really wakes up. Her eyes never open. Typically, she latches on and nurses without me even realizing it. If she can’t manage to latch on, she will cry out with a pathetic “more” and sit up until I help her.
To be honest, I’d be more than willing to night wean her, but I haven’t taken the time to research the best way to do this. (Suggestions more than welcome!)
But I know she isn’t ready. She hasn’t cut back on her frequency of nursing in quite awhile. She steadily requests to nurse at the same times, each day.
I know she will be ready and this could happen at any time. It may be next week. It may be next month. It may be next year. But it will be when she’s ready to wean.
As for me? The older she gets, the less likely I’ll be to whip it out in public. Out of respect for my wife and out of a desire to avoid any judgmental stares or comments, I will only breastfeed in private. But I will breastfeed as long as she needs.
Fourteen months and counting!
Breastmilk: The gift that keeps on giving!
-Author Unknown
I think my husband had a similar wish that I not breastfeed for so long, and like you, I find myself with an older baby (mine is 19 mo) who shows no signs of letting up in the nursing department. I'll probably just keep going until I (or she) just doesn't feel like it any more, wherever that may be.
Though I do deny nursing occasionally, otherwise we'd nurse all morning. My kid, seriously, she likes nothing better than to latch on and stick her hand in my mouth. While I do enjoy that time too, I also enjoy eating food and having clothing on my body and stuff.I did nightwean though, because at 8+ wakes-ups a night, I just couldn't take it any more. I didn't really do any "research" as to how to go about this. We just basically stopped cold turkey one night, my husband attended to my girl instead of me, and it was no biggie. No tears or anything. She was over a year, so it was fine from a nutrition point of view, and apparently, emotionally too. I'd say if you're interested in nightweaning, just follow your gut. don't do what you're "supposed to" do.
Thank you for mentioning my post and my story! I NEVER imagined to breastfeed L this long. But he turned 1, then he turned 2, and he had no intention of weaning. After I learned that the WHO now recommends children to be breastfed at LEAST 2 years, and more about the many advantages of extended breastfeeding, I decided he can breastfeed as long as he needs it.
I applaud you for sticking up for what you as a mother know is best for your particular child. That is what matters in the end – not what people on the outside think. They'll get over it. And don't forget, the longer you breastfeed, the more health benefits for you (lower incidence of many serious illnesses)!
Dagmar
Dagmar's momsense
Mine both self-weaned close to their third birthdays, after 6-7 months of don't offer, don't refuse. We stopped public breastfeeding sometime between a year and a half and two years. I found the gradual, child-led approach worked best for us.
I don't have any advice about night weaning because I can't remember how I did it. Just that I tried with the older one when he was 9 months and it was a spectacular failure and again at 18 months and then it worked. The younger one stopped night nursing on her own at around two years before I got around to it.
I hope you are able to continue as long as you both want to continue.
Steph, that's my plan in terms of full weaning! Maybe I'll hold off on night weaning a few more weeks!
My son wasn't able to breastfeed due to the tendon on the bottom of his tongue, however he took a bottle until he was four and a half. He mostly only had one at night before bed, but when he was sick he would want one more frequently. I always said he would ween himself and he finally did.
In pre-Western cultures it was very common for mothers to breastfeed until their babies were close to four. I think it is important when doing attachment parenting to let the child designate their needs rather than letting society dictate the terms. We have an awesome, charismatic, vocal, loving, good boy who does awesome in school and trusts the adults in his life.
You are doing a great job! Keep it up.
You hit the nail on the head! SHE needs to decide. She's a very attached baby and I would hate to see her reaction to being weaned before she's ready! She also demands more when she's teething. I don't think either of us would survive that without the boob!
I know one of the things that I really noticed was that when my son felt sick or run down, the bottle and to be rocked was all he wanted. It was good to be able to offer that solace and comfort when he needed it. He also was drinking three gallons of milk a week prior to weening, and that dropped to about a gallon afterwards. Since we've always struggled with getting enough calories in him (10% for weight, 85th for height) trying to get him to drink more milk was problematic.
That's my other fear. We fought SO hard for weight gain in the beginning. Even though she's good now, I'm lactose intolerant and if she is too, I don't want to have to rely on cow's milk to keep her weight up.