Today Is A Bad Mommy Day

Today is a seriously bad mommy day!

Let me preface this by saying my child is the slowest teether known to exist. From the moment we can see where a spot is getting red and inflamed, it takes about ten point five years for an actual tooth to break through. I’m serious.

Currently, she is preparing to break four million teeth at once. Ok, so maybe it’s just four, but it FEELS like four million. Therefore, she’s in rare “lookout world” form to begin with.

She’s also a climber. In the time it takes me to open the washing machine door and grab a wet load of clothes, she has already opened the (front loading) door to the dryer and climbed inside. Needless to say, the laundry room door is always kept closed.

She HAS TO BE buckled into her highchair or she WILL attempt to crawl out.

The chairs MUST BE pushed in around the table or she will climb onto them and pull herself onto the top of the table.

Toilet lids must be kept closed.

Pet food and water dishes must be kept out of her reach.

And yes, I have resorted to duct taping the pantry doors closed so she doesn’t constantly pull anything and everything she can off the shelves when given two seconds of time.

She’s a toddler. She’s busy. She’s inquisitive. She likes to challenge me.

Today is no exception.

This morning I let the dog out and went to swap out the laundry. Per usual, Cheeks stood by the door, repeatedly calling the dog’s name. On my way back to let the dog in, I realized immediately that Cheeks was gone.

Yes.

Gone.

She was nowhere to be found.

I looked in the house. No Cheeks.

I think my heart actually stopped beating.

I looked in the garage (the dog goes out through the garage to the poop pen/area in the backyard.) No Cheeks.

I think I actually stopped breathing, at this point.

Going against my “there’s no way she actually went THROUGH the garage to the dog pen” voice of reason, I ran through the garage and found her.

In the dog pen.

Wearing only a onesie and socks.

In the doorway between the garage and the backyard.

Standing in the snow.

Laughing.

I scooped her up and brought her inside. When I put her down, she ran to the door and OPENED IT BY HERSELF and tried to walk out. She’s finally tall enough (and strong enough) to actually open the door. Needless to say, it’s now locked at all times.

I distracted her desire to go back outside with lunch.

Once lunch was over, I took her to the back of the house to put her little buddy to bed. She followed me into the room, as usual, and I began to change little buddy’s diaper and put him into his crib.

Cheeks left the room. I closed the door against little buddy’s protests and made a pit stop to go potty. I washed my hands and walked down the hallway, through the family room and into the kitchen.

Do you want to guess where my child was?

She had climbed INSIDE the highchair and was finishing up the food her little buddy had left behind.

Now, in order to do this, she had to pull out the kitchen chair, climb on top of the kitchen table and then climb into the highchair.

I think I gained twelve more gray hairs in half a second flat!

This kid is fast. She’s calculated.

There’s just one thing I can’t figure out, would duct tape or velcro work better at keeping her permanently attached to me?!?!

I love this stage! It keeps me on my toes and gives me a great deal to laugh about!

I swear she thinks up ways to challenge me in her sleep!

A baby is an inestimable blessing and bother.
-Mark Twain

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