I read two posts from fellow Down syndrome mom’s and I wanted to share them with you and put in my two cents!
First, Leah wrote a post entitled The Neglected Child after someone commented on her blog that she failed to give adequate and equal blog time to her oldest daughter (who is a teenager with Down syndrome.) Instead, they felt her blog centered around her two younger children (who both were adopted and have Down syndrome.) Go read Leah’s response. I’ll wait while you do.
The post immediately brought me back to the idiotic statement that came out of my mother’s mouth years ago. I can’t remember if she said it in court or a deposition, but she said I clearly loved my younger children more than Bubba because I took more photos of them than I did of him and I wrote more about them on my blog.
(Insert chirping crickets here.)
Apparently, my mother measures the love one has for their child by the amount of photos one takes of said child.
If that were the case, Bubba and MeMa totally get the shaft on motherly love! If you haven’t noticed, this blog centeres on Cheeks more often than not…and certainly more than it focuses on Bubba and MeMa. Not that I feel the need to “defend” myself, but there are reasons things seem “unbalanced” around these parts.
For one, Bubba is a teenager. It’s not my business to spread his business. A LOT goes on with Bubba behind the scenes, but I am not about to share it here. He knows I have a blog (he is not aware of what it is called, how to find it, etc.) and if I want to say something about him, I ask him first. Just like I ask him if he minds if I post specific photos of him on Facebook.
He’s a teenager. He’s very concerned with his appearance and often immediately tells me if I can or cannot post a photo after I’ve taken it. Let’s face it, the web is a very, very small place. His classmates, teammates and future wife could easily stumble upon this portion of the web and know way more about him than he may be comfortable with.
I respect my son’s privacy.
As for MeMa, the reasoning is a bit different. EH reads my blog. He can’t take the time or effort to facilitate a co-parenting relationship with me, but he can find the time to come here quite often. I’m not sure what his intrigue is, nor do I care, but I’m not about to share information with him via this blog that could/should/would be shared with him if he had any interest in co-parenting our daughter together.
Therefore, I keep to my experiences as MeMa’s mom and share very little about her life in our home. If EH wants to know more about what our daughter does when she’s with us, the door is open for communication. But I’m not going to reward his refusal to co-parent by feeding him information in this manner.
Unlike him, I have other sources for information. I know what’s going on in MeMa’s life through other means. While it would be incredibly beneficial for us to communicate and work together for MeMa’s best interest, he clearly has no interest in doing so. One day I hope he will put aside whatever his issue is with me and do what’s best for his daughter, but until he’s ready to put aside his own thoughts/feelings and put on his “business” hat to raise MeMa together, I’m not about to feed him information.
Finally, as Leah touched on in her post, Cheeks is with me twenty-four seven. Literally. She sleeps in my bed. She comes to work with me. She is my constant companion. MeMa’s time is split between two homes. Bubba is with his dad more than he’s with me. This blog is a clear reflection of that. But it doesn’t mean I love anyone more than anyone else. I have very different relationships with each of my children and I love each of them them beyond measure.
Anyone who thinks a mother’s love is measured in how many photos they take of their child or how often they post about each one has a very skewed idea of what love is.
Another fellow DS mom wrote a post entitled Why Neither Kelle Hampton Nor Noah’s Dad Inspire Me. And she hit the nail on the head with each one of them!
I’m sure they’re lovely people. I’m sure their hearts are in the right places (at least Kelle’s is) but you can’t walk a road paved by many before you and fail to acknowledge them or give them due credit. You can’t shun or ignore the very people who have raised you up to where you are.
You can be the most creative, intelligent or amazing person that ever existed, but unless that is recognized by the masses, it means nothing. That recognition brings with it the responsibility to handle yourself in a certain manner. It brings with it the job of sharing the good with the bad, the ups with the downs and the reality of life along with the pretty pictures and parenthood is the best thing EVER and there isn’t ANYTHING negative or challenging about it bullshit.
I’m not sure if they’re trying to convince themselves or everyone else, but I don’t buy the perfection of it all.
Lisa totally hit the nail on the head!
I encourage you to visit each of the posts linked above and check them out!
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