I defend my gayness.

I defend my political stance.

I defend my daughter’s rights as a “disabled” individual.

I defend my opinions.

My liberties.

My decisions.

My parenting.

I could get all psychological on you and tell you WHY I feel the need to defend myself, but I think you are all pretty intelligent people who can figure it out. If you are new around here, I’ll just tell you that having your entire life and every decision you ever made evaluated and ripped apart (once for an adoption and again for a custody trial) tends to make someone, well, defensive.

And the fact of the matter is, I don’t need to defend myself.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but not their own facts.

(Daniel Patrick Moynihan)

And here are the facts.

In my life, I make decisions based on what would be the most beneficial to my family.  My children and my wife are my first and foremost concern always.

I am one hundred percent confident in the decisions I make the majority of the time.

I know, in my heart, I am doing what is best for my children, my wife and myself.

Be that as it may, acceptance is a part of the human condition.  We want to be accepted.  We want to be supported.  We want to be RIGHT.  And we want others to validate that acceptance, support and rightness.

The fact of the matter is, no matter how many people agree (or disagree) with me, I’m not going to change how I do things.

People are entitled to their opinions.

If someone feels breastfeeding a toddler is pornographic or sexual abuse, I can’t change their mind.  I can defend my choice to allow my daughter to self-wean, but I can’t get someone who is opposed to that practice to accept it.  And I think I need to stop trying.

I will NOT stop advocating for what I believe in.  I will not stop trying to educate people on what attachment parenting is, how it applies to my family or why we feel as strongly about it as we do.

I will not stop standing up for myself or my family.

I will not be bullied or pushed around.

I won’t stop talking about it, living it or discussing it; but I’m done defending it.

My children are the best testament to the decisions I have made in regards to parenting.  They are the reason I no longer feel the need to defend myself.  Their awesomeness speaks for it all.

This is my family.  These are our choices.

I’m done defending it, them, us and me.

Ready?  Go.

And on to our regularly scheduled post.

I am tired.

Emotionally.  Not physically.

I am tired of people saying my child is glued to my side twenty-four seven.

She has another parent.  She plays independently.  Just because she is WITH ME, doesn’t mean she is in my arms.  She’s an active toddler.

I am tired of people stating my wife and I are neglecting our relationship.

The baby sleeps.  There are other rooms in our home, aside from the bedroom.  We can and do focus on one another and make “us” time.

I am tired of people telling me my child will be unnecessarily independent on her parents for her entire life.

My daughter is a toddler.  She’s a very busy, independent toddler.

I am tired of people saying my child is never going to leave my side, develop a personality or be independent.

I chase my child way more often than would be necessary if she refused to leave my side.  She engages with children her age in a group setting.  She explores away from her moms.  After meeting her for five minutes, you realize she has a VERY strong personality and she is full of character.

I am tired of people feeling guilty because they don’t attachment parent and giving me shit because I can (and I do.)

Yeah, I’m going there.  I think everyone who feels the need to give an attachment parent shit is only doing so because THEY feel they aren’t measuring up and doing what’s best.  I’M not the one saying anyone is doing anything wrong.  If a parent feels guilty, that’s THEIR issue.  They are their own worst critic and it has nothing to do with attachment parents looking down on anyone, but rather those (critical) parents looking down on themselves.

Yeah, I said it.  Get over yourself and stop criticizing and critiquing ME and figure out what you need to do in your own life to make yourself feel better about the parenting choices YOU’RE making.

I am tired of people believing they can’t attachment parent because they work outside the home, and therefore, thinking attachment parenting is negative or horrible (simply because they THINK they can’t do it.)

I’m not saying attachment parenting is right for everyone.  I’m not saying it’s the best way for someone else.

Whether you work inside the house or outside the house, you can attachment parent.

I have an associates degree, I am less than a semester away from having a bachelors degree and I am a nanny.

It’s not a glorious job. It’s not the best paying job.  It’s not the most accomplished job.  But it’s the job I do so I can generate an income and spend every possible moment with my child.  My job choice enables me to attachment parent my child at all times.

Could I be making more money?  Absolutely.

Could I have gone back to school and completed my degree by now?  Yep!  I could have.

Did I?  No.

Why not?

Because I chose a job that allows me to spend as much time as possible with my older children (based on their visitation schedules) and enables me to parent my youngest child in the best way (I feel) possible.

Some attachment parents stay home with their children.

Some attachment parents work at home, with their children.

Some attachment parents take their children to work with them.

Some attachment parents work outside the house.

Does that make them any less of attachment parents?

No!  They may trust their child to someone else (to a varying degree) while they work, but I’m sure they have gone over how they want their child fed/disciplined/handled in the time they are not with their child.

Let’s look at the seven Principles of Attachment Parent are and how they can apply to working moms:

1.) Birth bonding – Parents have maternity leave.  Whether this is a six week or a six month period.  Make the most of it.  Hold your baby.  Bond with your baby.  Skin to skin.  Eye to eye.  Parent to child.  Encourage your child’s care giver to bond with the child as well. After all, they’re your child’s safety and comfort in your absence.

2.) Breastfeeding – When a parent is with their baby, they can put them on the breast.  When they return to work, they can pump their milk and the baby can be fed that milk when he/she is not with the mother.  Use a bottle.  Use a supplemental feeder.  Use a breast.  Use donated milk.

3.) Babywearing – Babies love to be worn.  Since the majority of a person’s life is spent at home, as opposed to work, think of how many hours someone can rack up wearing their baby?  Before work.  After work.  On the weekends.  When you’re not at work, hold your baby.  Wear your baby.  Educate your child’s care giver on wearing your baby when you’re at work.

4.) Bedding close to baby – Co-sleep or bed share with your baby.  Allow your child to nap in your arms.  Find a caregiver who will allow your child to sleep in their arms, on their chest or extremely nearby when the baby is in their care.  Oh, and if you’ve educated them on babywearing, they can wear your child while he/she sleeps!

5.) Believe in the language of your child’s cries – Find a caregiver who (like you)  doesn’t believe babies cry just to manipulate them.  Find someone who will take the time to LEARN your child’s individual cries and fulfill the need your child is expressing.  Find a caregiver who will meet the needs of your child.

6.) Beware of baby trainers – Don’t feed your child based on the clock, feed him/her based on her hunger.  Don’t force a child to sleep when he/she may not be ready to, make sleep a comfortable and secure experience.  Parent your child based on his/her needs and not for the sake of convenience.  You need to be the expert on YOUR child.  Your child needs to know you’re the expert and their needs will be filled.  They don’t need to cry.  They don’t need to be ignored.  They need to be cared for and tended to.  Find a caregiver who also believes in these basic principles and isn’t going to suggest you allow your baby to cry-it-out, schedule feedings, etc.  Don’t take your attachment child to a baby trainer for care!  Find someone who believes in the same child-raising principles as you do!

7.) Balance – Life is about balance.  Remember to take care of yourself and meet your own needs, so you are able and capable of taking care of your child’s needs to the best of your ability.  Find a caregiver who is capable and able of doing so as well.

Once you and your caregiver get to know your baby intimately and open your arms, heart and mind to truly knowing your child, the rest falls into place.  Eventually, the decisions you make become instantly beneficial to your child because you (and your caregiver) have taken the time to KNOW the child and act for the child’s benefit with little to no thinking!

You can still attachment parent if you can’t follow all seven principles.  You can attachment parent a child you cannot physically breastfeed.  You can attachment parent a child who sleeps in a cradle or crib next to your bed instead of inside it.  You can attachment parent a child you don’t babywear.

Attachment parenting is an ideal.  It’s a means of parenting.  It isn’t a strict set of rules and regulations.  Attachment parenting is responsive parenting.

I don’t believe attachment parents do it better, I think they do it the best way for their children and them self.

I worked really hard to find an acceptable means of supplementation for my child so I didn’t have to give her formula.  Maybe another parent feels formula is the best option for their child.

I could never leave my child to cry it out on her own while I ignore her feelings.  Maybe that’s the only thing someone feels will work for their own child.

I can’t imagine taking the breast away from my child when she reaches a certain age that I determine.  Maybe another mom needs to cut their child off.

My point is, I don’t condemn anyone who does things differently than I do it, but don’t condemn the way I do things because you can’t. Don’t criticize me because you THINK you can’t attachment parent.

Anyone who is truly safe and secure in the way they do things isn’t going to feel a need to attack someone else who may do things differently.  I’m confident I am doing the best for my children, my wife and myself.

If you feel the need to attack or criticize me, your time would likely be best spent looking at what YOU need to change, instead of what you feel I need to change.

Just sayin’.

She came out of MY body. She'll decide when she comes off my boob.

I was up early the morning we got to actually meet our preschool buddies.  I couldn’t wait to meet my little guy and get right to work with him.

He had dark hair and dark eyes.  He was a bit more energetic than I had expected, even though I had been told to expect to have my hands full with him.  He was all boy and all about not listening to me.  He didn’t want to sit still.  He didn’t want to do anything I thought he would find fun.  He challenged me and I rose to that challenge eagerly.

As much as I was focused on him, I couldn’t help but notice her.

She was the daughter of our guidance counselor.  She had long dark hair tied back with a ribbon and her eyes were almond shaped.  Her tongue would sneak out between her lips, on occasion, until she remember to pull it back in.  She wore adorable dresses and seemed to go with the flow around her.

I remember our teacher telling us about the repetition she benefited from.  Her parents sat with her for hours dragging her hands over different textures and telling her what they were.  Rough.  Soft.  Rough.  Soft.  Rough. Soft.

Eventually, she got it.

Days later, she would completely forget which was soft and which was rough.

Her smile was rewarding and welcomed.

She giggled and played with the other kids, even when they didn’t understand her.

She was sweet and I watched, from afar, as she came out of her shell and began to assimilate to her peers.

She was the first person with Down syndrome I had ever spent any significant amount of time with and I fell in love with her throughout the course of her time in our classroom.

She would be in her twenties now.

I wonder where she is.  I wonder how she’s doing.  I wonder what she’s accomplished throughout the course of her life.

But mostly, I wish she knew she was the seed, planted deep in my heart, that lead me to become “mom” to another little girl with bright red hair, pretty dresses and a sweet smile.

Reading Time

I’m linking up:

Happiest Mother’s Day from our abode to yours!

However, since we’ve been using Love and Logic with BOTH girls, life is so much more relaxed!

There are no food struggles. There is no arguing. There hasn’t been a single spanking or screaming fit.

Bubba has determined today to be Happy Step-Mother’s Day for Ash.

This is my life.

This is my family.

We aren’t perfect.

We have our faults.

We are a constant work in progress.

But we are awesome.

We are real.

We rock this mom shit!

Educated their mainstream audience?

Ha.  No.

Put the spotlight on attachment parenting?

Well, no.

Profile a controversial photo in order to pit different “types” of moms against one another?

Absolutely.  That’s blatantly obvious just by the title of the article, ““Are You Mom Enough?”"

The so-called Mommy Wars are alive and well, just as they always have been and always will be.

There seems to be a lot of bad blood in terms of the choices moms make.  Do I work outside the home, or take care of my children twenty-four seven?  Do I bottle feed formula or breastfeed?  Do I use disposable diapers or cloth?  Do I spank or use time out?  Do I let my child cry themselves to sleep in their crib or do I allow them to sleep in my bed?

The REAL question is,

Who the hell cares!

The choices another mother makes for HER children don’t affect me.  They don’t affect my child.  And who am I to tell anyone what’s best for their child?

Yes, I write quite a bit about the parenting choices and techniques we chose to use with our children.  No, I am not saying I am a better parent or my way is the best way.  I’m simply sharing how we do things in an effort to show some moms they aren’t alone in the decisions they make and inform other moms who may be looking for something different.  I’m looking for like-minded parents to gleam information off of when we run into a parental stumbling block.  I’m seeking out the opinions and ways of parents who are NOT like-minded so I can learn.

In the absence of my own mother (and a strong desire to NOT propagate the manner in which I was raised) I am seeking out the BEST way to parent my children.  The information I need, to lead to my end goal, comes from OTHER MOTHERS.  Those who have been where I am.  Those who ARE where I am.

Although we are heavy attachment parents when it comes to Cheeks, I don’t fit into any one distinct type of parenting when it comes to my kids.

Bubba was breastfed for six weeks, he wore disposable diapers, he was vaccinated on schedule and he was probably spanked a handful of times.  He ate purred food out of a jar.  He went to public elementary school.  He played sports.  As a single mom, there were short periods of time when he would sleep in my bed with me.  He went to daycare.  He was in the care of others for more time than he ever should have been.  His extended family was overly-active in his life.  He was the product of teen aged parents and he had step-parents.

He was a “mainstream” child.

MeMa was never breastfed.  She was taken into state custody at birth.  She spent her first thirteen months in the foster care system.  Once she arrived on my doorstep, she was cloth diapered part time.  She never slept a single night in my bed.  I would let her cry herself to sleep (it usually took about three minutes) for naps and bedtime.  She was already on whole milk and table food.  She was vaccinated on schedule.  She attended public school in the special needs program.   She started school at three years old.  While she had a stay-at-home mom prior to her parents’ divorce, she has attended day care/after-school care while in the care of EH. She comes from a  broken family with step-parents.  I’ve used time outs and spanking to discipline her.

She was/is a “mainstream” child.

Cheeks is STILL being breastfed.  She is in cloth diapers more than disposables (although at times we get lazy).  She STILL sleeps in our bed.  We selectively and delay her vaccinations (with the support of her pediatrician).  She has never had purred food out of a jar and the little bit of puree she had was made by myself.  We started giving her table food on a baby-led weaning schedule (which has NOTHING to do with breastfeeding.)  She has NEVER been spanked.  We use redirection to discipline her.  She has been left in the care of someone else six or seven times in eighteen months.  She has only been left with grandparents and one other person she sees on a weekly basis.  Only two or three of those times was she left when she was awake (as opposed to being asleep the entire time we were gone.)

She is an attached child.

Does that mean I was less of a mom to Bubba than I am to Cheeks?  Is he worse off because I fed him formula instead of breast milk?  Is he a less advantaged person because he slept in a crib instead of in my bed?  And is MeMa ruined because she gets spanked?  Will she fail to be a productive member of society because she was allowed to cry herself to sleep in her crib on occasion?  Does that mean I’m less of a mother to her than I am to either of my other children?

I’m not even going to justify the idiocy of these questions with answers.

So…..where do I fit into the mommy wars?

I work outside my home, but I bring my children with me.

I spank one child, but not another.

I vaccinated two children on schedule, but delay with the third.

I breastfed one child for six weeks and we’re still going strong at eighteen months with another.

Do you want to know the answer?

Who the hell cares!

Here’s the thing.

I do what’s best for each of my children.  Period.

What benefits one of my children would be a detriment to another.

What works with one, doesn’t work for the other.

Having such vastly different children in my own home means I have to use vastly different parenting skills and techniques with each of them.  Therefore, how the hell are countless moms with countless children with countless individual needs/personalities supposed to conform to ONE way of parenting with ONE set way of doing things?

The answer is, they’re not.

Yes, I believe breastfeeding is best for MY child.  That’s a decision my wife and I made for her.

Does that mean I look down on a mom who chose not to breastfeed and uses formula?  No, I don’t.  It’s her child, it’s her decision.  I wouldn’t want her telling me I NEED to give my child formula so why would I tell her she needs to breastfeed?

Do I offer information on the benefits of breastfeeding if asked?  Absolutetly!  Am I proud of my decision and the hurdles we have overcome?  Yes!  But that doesn’t mean someone who chose differently is less of a mom than I am!

It doesn’t mean someone who does things differently is doing things wrong.

Maybe I’m just a bit selfish and self-centered.  As long as I’m making the right choices for my own children, I don’t really care what anyone else is doing with theirs!

You want to use a bottle, push your kid in a stroller, use disposable diapers and vaccinate your child right on schedule?   Good for you!

You want to breastfeed, wear your baby, use cloth diapers and not vaccinate at all?  More power to you!

You want to use a crib?  Sweet!

Your baby is still sleeping with you at two years old?  Awesome!

Who the hell cares!

In the eyes of some parents, I may be a horrible parent.  OMG, she spanks!  Holy hell, she gave her son formula!  God on earth she vaccinates her children!

You know why those moms care?  In their eyes, if I do something differently than they do, they feel their own choices are invalidated and “wrong”.

They look beyond the differences and start measuring each and every little point in a good/bad, right/wrong, acceptable/inappropriate balance.

Motherhood is hard enough.  We have a LOT of decisions to make.

But you know what?  We don’t have to tear one another apart and criticize each other’s decisions.

We can support one another as mothers who are all trying to do what is right by their own child or children.

We can support one another as mothers who are all trying to do what is right.

We can support one another as mothers.

Period.

Jamie Lynne Grumet of Los Angeles and her son, age 3. "I don’t consider breast feeding immodest at all—I’m not shy about doing it in public."

Here are the other shots from the article.

Dionna Ford of Kansas City, Mo., and her children, ages 4 and 5 months. "It's so funny that the women who ask breast-feeding parents to cover up wouldn’t write to Victoria’s Secret to ask them to take down their ads."

Jessica Cary of Brooklyn, N.Y. and her daughter, age 3. "I don't think about when I'll stop—for us, it's a life philosophy."

Melinda Larsen of Long Island, N.Y., and her children, ages 6, 4, 2 and a half and 9 months. "The philosophy resonated with us, and it felt comfortable. Other forms of parenting felt like I wasn't in my own skin."

*And just for the record (and because I like to be RIGHT), I told Ash the chance of me actually going was slim to none because I got the feeling they were looking for more “extreme” breastfeeding scenarios than we could offer.  ie. older kids, tandem nursers, etc.

While I would love to give you my thoughts on the article, you will have to wait until I pick up a copy of this edition.  I am not a Time Magazine subscriber and the article is only available (online) to subscribers.  I am not overly impressed with the emotions evoked by the title “Are You Mom Enough?”  It perpetuates the stereotype that breastfeeding moms think of themselves as “better” than non-breastfeeding moms or that Attachment moms are better moms than moms who do things differently than an AP mom may.

Instead of dividing us into different categories, moms need to be united on the basic principle of BEING MOMS and supporting one another as moms, whether we do things alike or differently.  Our main goal/function as a mother is to do what is best for OUR child.  Every child is different.  Every child has different needs.  Any mother who is in tune with her child and does right by her child is winning, in my opinion….regardless of if they AP or not.

Anyway.

For now, the photos will have to suffice!  They are the property of Time Magazine and were photographed by Martin Schoeller.

Way to go, Time!

MeMa’s IEP went awesome!  I teleconferenced in, so some of it was a bit garbled, but I was able to hear the majority of it.

She will be included with her typical peers just over half of the time.  If you factor in lunch and recess, she’s about sixty percent included.  On one hand, I wish she was fully included, but I know that’s not possible due to a few factors.

She is reading at a mid to late Kindergarten level, which is all kinds of amazing.  All my kids have always been avid readers (even Bubba until he reached about twelve years old.)  It’s completely awesome to be able to sit down with her and help her actually sound out words and make the story come alive on the page.

Her math skills are a little more lacking, but they’re coming along.  I have some math activities to pull out so we can start working with her a bit more.  We’ve been so focussed on reading and writing that we slid math concepts onto the back burner.

Her speech is coming along.  She needs to be reminded to slow down and sound out her words now and then (especially when she’s upset or excited) but it’s coming along.  We’re working on getting her to use COMPLETE sentences instead of leaving out the “little” words that she often omits (the, is, in, etc.)

Her biggest areas of struggle are social and behavioral.  I can’t help but think how much more she would be included if she would just stop the hitting/pushing/kicking and treat her peers with respect.  I know she knows it’s wrong.  I know she is capable of keeping her hands to herself, she simply chooses not to.  It’s beyond irritating and frustrating.

As far as home is concerned:

We have different battles to face at home.  Our weekends with MeMa were becoming less and less fun and more stressful than anything.  Ash and I were sick and tired of it, to say the least.  I began to dread picking her up and looked forward to taking her back.  Needless to say, that isn’t the type of relationship I want to have with my child, so we sprung into action.

MeMa had become a brat and we had become, for lack of a better word, lazy.

I was beginning to raise my voice and I hate being that mom.  I was also resorting to spanking her more and more often and I hate being that mom, as well.  On top of it, MeMa’s behavior (and our correction of it) started affecting Cheeks.  When MeMa would get mad and yell or scream, Cheeks would get upset.  When I raised my voice, Cheeks would get upset.

MeMa had become disrespectful, mouthy and oppositional.

It wasn’t fair to any of us and Ash and I decided to change it, ASAP.  We sat down and came up with a plan of attack.  We immediately began using Love and Logic with MeMa, just as we do with Cheeks.

For instance, MeMa has a horrible habit of asking, “Why?” about everything. Whenever she’s told to do something, she will ask, “Why?” and argue with us instead of just doing it.  So, we’ve become broken records.

MeMa, pick up your toys, please.

Why?

Pick up your toys, please.

Mom! Why?

Pick up your toys, please.

Ugh!  Ok!

I don’t get upset.  I don’t raise my voice.  I don’t change the tone of words, regardless of how many times I repeat something.  Ironically, the less reactive I become, the more upset MeMa gets that I’m NOT reacting to her.

We’re having to repeat ourselves less and less often and we’re hearing “Why?” less and less.

Eating has been a HUGE struggle lately.  No matter what she has put in front of her, she claims she doesn’t like it.  We will give her two options and we’ll make her whatever she chooses and she still refuses to eat it.  Keep in mind, being gluten free, I often have to take extra steps and time to prepare her food.  That means making her gluten free pasta, omitting certain ingredients and reworking recipes to fit her dietary needs.  Once I’ve gone to all that trouble, to have her not eat used to irritate me to no end…and she knew it.

Meal times got ugly and we became angry and frustrated while MeMa always ended up in tears.  I was tired of allowing her to pull us into power struggles, so I put a stop to it.

Now, she’s given her food.  If she doesn’t want to eat it, she doesn’t have to.  However, she doesn’t get seconds on anything  until she’s tried at least three bites of everything on her plate and she has to stay at the table until everyone is done.

If she chooses not to eat, when meal time is done, her uneaten plate gets covered and placed in the fridge.  The first time we hear “Can I have a snack?” the answer is “I will warm your plate of food up for you or you can have a piece of fruit.”  If it’s too close to our next meal, the answer is, “No.  You have to wait until lunch/dinner.”

I know she isn’t going to starve and I am grateful the meal-time fighting is behind us.  Quite honestly, I don’t care whether she eats or not.  She is the one that has to deal with feeling hungry when she chooses not to eat.  The kids isn’t going to starve and I’m not going to allow her to control meal time.

I made her gluten free spaghetti a few weeks ago.  Ash warmed some of it up for her while I was taking a shower.  She refused to eat it, claiming she didn’t like it.  Ash left it alone.  When I came downstairs, she said she wanted a snack.  I told her I was happy to warm her spaghetti up for her or she could wait until dinner.  She asked me to warm up her spaghetti and she ate two huge bowls of it.

She has also had a difficult time following directions.  She is strong-willed and stubborn.  At times, I swear the kid is simply trying to make me mad.  Thankfully, Love and Logic has saved the day.

When she isn’t behaving or listening, it’s “Bummer.  You need some time in your room.”  She is given the option of an open or shut door (if she’s crying and carrying on, the door gets shut, period.)  She is welcome to come back down when she’s ready to listen.  After the first few bedroom visits this past weekend, she realized it was much more fun to be downstairs doing stuff than up in her room alone.  She also immediately corrected her behavior as soon as she heard the word “Bummer” come out of our mouths (and then we didn’t send her to her room unless she chose to engage in the behavior again.)

We are offering her a choice whenever we can (which is something I’ve always done with my kids).  That way, when we NEED or WANT her to do something, she doesn’t get a choice, she’s just expected to do what’s asked of her.  For example, we’ll give her the choice of brushing her teeth right away or in five minutes.  When it’s time for bed, she doesn’t get a choice.  It’s just bed time.

We’re recognizing her positive decisions and choices and sending her off to her room when she’s acting negatively or making bad choices. Which brings me to another little trick we’ll begin this weekend.

We are making MeMa an incentive jar.  Her jar will contain pieces of different colored paper with various treats and rewards written on them.  When she is behaving exceptionally well, we’ll offer her a trip to the jar.  This is an awesome tool for those times when we’re out in public and we can’t send her up to her room.  If she can follow directions, when we get home, she can choose a treat.

We came up with the different color codes so we have some control over what type of reward or treat she chooses.  For example, if we are short on time, we don’t want her pulling out the “bake gluten free cookies” reward!  We are in the process of coming up with different rewards and treats and sorting them into categories such as:

Edible treats: a piece of candy, ice cream, cookie, any snack we have on hand

Quick Activities (15 minutes or so): read a book, draw with sidewalk chalk, playdough, Lite Bright, Leapster

Small Adventures: go for a walk, take Kevin to the dog park, pick out/watch a movie, play a game with mom/Ashley, go to the park, bake something gluten free, various art projects

Big Adventures: go to the zoo, plan our next meal (choose what she’d like to have, make a grocery list, go to the store, help make the meal), go swimming, go see a movie in the theater

I am open to suggestions for treats and rewards to add to our growing list!  Feel free to leave a suggestion (or two) in the comments!  What does your kid like to do as a special reward?

Summer is coming up soon, which means MeMa is with us full time.  I’m not about to allow her to turn our household upside down with her tantrums, demands and outright disrespect.  Thankfully, we’re well on our way to enjoying our time together, just in time for summer to begin!

What struggles do you have with your kids?

The older Cheeks gets, the harder it is for me to simply stop what I’m doing to tend to her when I know she doesn’t NEED something.  I wish she would wait until I’ve finished what I’m doing until she demands I pick her up or shoves a book in my face, but I know one day I will wish she was demanding I pick her up or shoving a book in my face.

So I stop.  Usually.

If Ash is around I will attempt to divert Cheeks’ desire onto her.

But if that fails, I tend to whatever she’d like me to do.

I created a bond of enjoyment, fun and comfort.

I need to honor it, no matter how big she gets.

I no longer need to carry her everywhere.  Now she wants to walk on her own and she has no time or desire to be carried.  This means that I can now wash the dishes, switch over the laundry and handle other tasks without a baby in my arms.  Instead, I now have a toddler by my side who wants so desperately to “help” me do whatever task I’m tackling.

She still allows me to carry her in the Ergo when she’s tired and we’re out and about.

Thankfully, she’s stopped diving in the toilet or climbing into the dryer when I do laundry.

It’s a bit easier to figure out what is upsetting her when she cries.  Between her speech and her ability to understand what we’re asking and point out her discomfort, we get to the heart of the matter relatively quickly.

However, she’s a smart little shit.

She has this one specific cry that always causes us to (literally) jump up and rush to her side when we hear it.  It means she’s hurt.  It means she needs immediate attention.  It’s “The Big Cry”.

At least it was.

Now it’s the “I know they’ll come running if I do this kind of cry so I’m going to use it all the time because I like to see how many times I can freak my moms out in one day” cry.  And you should see the look on her face when she realizes it worked.  Again.

I still defend myself to people who don’t “get” it.

Yes, when she cries, we react.  Immediately.

Yes, she still sleeps in our bed.

Yes, she’s still breastfeeding.

No, I don’t know when we’ll stop babywearing/bed sharing/breastfeeding.

So, while Cheeks has grown and developed in the last year, we haven’t.

We still parent her the way we set out to and we don’t see that changing any time soon.

Attachment parenting isn’t easy.  Parenting, in general, isn’t easy.

But then again, it’s not supposed to be.  We’re raising PEOPLE here, people.  Not flowers.  Not puppies.  Not guppies.

People.  And those people need us twenty-four seven.  They need to know we’re there.  They need to know they are safe, valued and loved.

Isn’t that what we all need?

Nursing: You still don’t seem to realize my nipples don’t swivel.  Or that breastfeeding is not an Olympic gymnastic event.  Oh, and nursing covers?  They really are cool, fashionable and awesome….if you would just give one a chance every now and then.  I promise you won’t miss much (and I’m sure nobody in public would miss the site of my boob hanging out!)

Eating: I completely enable your desire to have a “dip” for anything and everything that crosses your lips, but eating Ranch dressing with your fingers?  Really??  And eating pudding out of a cup with just your tongue?  Mashed potato finger painting? We need to work on all that.  Pronto.

Potty Training: While we have yet to begin officially potty training, we were beyond excited the few times you asked us to take your diaper off and actually went pee and poop in your potty!  But the times you ask us to take your diaper off and lie about whether or not you’ve already pooped?  Ew.  Just ew.  And while I’m on this topic?  Poop is NOT for playing!!  EVER!

That time you peed on the floor?  It can’t even compete with the time you took your own diaper off and squatted on the floor RIGHT NEXT TO YOUR POTTY and started to poop.  It wouldn’t have been so bad had Kevin The Dog not tried to begin the clean-up process while I was lifting your pooping little body onto your potty as quickly as I could.

Oh, and as much as you love running around naked and “yell” at us when we try to diaper your little tushy?  It’s nowhere near as fun for us as it seems to be for you.

Being Helpful: In our attempt to model appropriate potty habits for you, we welcome your presence when we have to go potty.  However, your need to wipe for me hand me toilet paper can be a bit, uh, forceful.  Your toilet flushing skills, however, are spot on!  You go girl!

Sleeping: While you’re spending more and more time on your own mattress, instead of on ours, your sleeping entourage is getting a bit ridiculous.  While I don’t mind sharing my bed with you and the cat, I certainly don’t want to share it with your Elmo, your Waldorf doll and the spooky little bargain bin baby who’s entire head lights up with you squeeze it.  And I CERTAINLY don’t want to have to nurse each and every one of your friends to sleep.  I’m just sayin’.

Large Motor: While your ability to jump with both your feet (almost) off the ground is ridiculously cute, your refusal to be carried anymore is a bit exhausting.  Especially when you refuse to walk in the direction we need/want you to walk in. And this “You can’t catch me” game you play every time we try to dress you, put a diaper on you or take something away from you (almost) totally sucks.  Your maniacal laughter keeps it interesting, to say the least.

We have yet to find a slide you will not climb and go down all. by. yourself!  You are fearless and you scare the crap out of us!

Small Motor: I love your exuberant desire to write and draw and paint and do all things artistic!  Thank you for (mostly) keeping your artwork contained to appropriate materials and not on my walls, floor and other non-washable surfaces.

Pretend Play:  Your love of baby dolls makes your mommies want to give you a little sibling in the worst ways.  The way you mother, smother and love on them is sweet and (dangerously) loving.  I do have to admit, after spending hundreds of dollars on beautiful hand-made dolls, I am a bit miffed your favorite is the aforementioned bargain bin baby with the light up head.  Oh, and don’t think we’ll make a habit out of opening up its belly to tie  the little push button light up mechanism into the “on” position so you don’t scream when the baby’s head fails to light up because you can’t push it hard enough.  Because that is so not happening (very often.)

Smarts: You can count to three.  You repeat just about every. single. word. you hear.  You can point to your eyes, nose, mouth, arm, leg, hand, foot, toes and ears.  About your nose…we have this neat little invention called a tissue.  We use it when we have a booger in our nose.  This is a much more preferred removal process than, say, picking said booger out of your nose and wiping it on Mommy’s leg.  That’s just beyond gross.  Please stop.  Please.

As you can see, you’ve been mighty busy these last few weeks mastering new skills and developing your little very large personality.  Carry on, little girl.  The best is yet to come!

What would YOU like to Just Write?